Temper

There are so many issues that cause us to live life at near boiling point.  It seems both men and women battle a balancing act of job, family, personal me along with children’s activities. 

This week, I would like to look at TEMPER.


Anger is the most volatile of all emotions.  It’s the emotion that can cause a minor issue to escalate into a full blown war.  Sadly, it’s also the emotion that can turn an issue that can be easily resolved into an item on the nightly local news.


In order to understand and hopefully curb our temper flare ups and lashing out – we MUST understand what makes us angry.  These are the “final straw” issues that can make things get ugly in a hurry.


Often when we do not get what we want, we feel slighted, cheated, or left out.


We also tend to have anger flare ups when we have unresolved issues from our past.  You know what I am talking about - stuff that we just buried under the carpet, things that we stored back in our mental closets, or things that for whatever reason we just never dealt with.


There are times we lash out when all of a sudden the reality of where we are in life hits us.  We find ourselves asking questions like, “How did I get to this point?  Is this all there is in life?  I should have been a ______ . “


We also feel the need to explode when we feel we’ve been wronged by someone.  Whether we truly were treated unjustly, or we just perceive it that way – the fact is – the emotions run rampant.


There is something in the way some people are wired that irks them when they think someone doesn’t get what they deserve.  i.e when they don’t get blamed or punished for something they did.


Conversely, the same holds true when we see someone getting what we feel they don’t deserve……an advancement, a raise, recognition.


Often we find ourselves getting upset over a situation, person or something happens – when we do not have ALL the information.  We lack the complete knowledge of the issue.  I have said over and over – it’s that ONE piece of info you do not have that can change your response to something 180 degrees.


People also allow their anger to flare up when they have bitterness, jealousy, greed or some other negative feeling dominating their thoughts and their thought processes.


And, of course – rage flares up when we are in a situation in which we have no control of whatsoever.  We are left feeling both powerless and helpless.  We absolutely MUST accept what is thrown our way.


So, we have looked at what causes us to act out with our emotions – now let’s talk about taming that BEAST.


First and foremost, admit it when you are wrong.  It’s okay.  If you struggle with that – surprise – you ARE NOT perfect.  The whole world knew it – they were just waiting for you to catch up.


Secondly, listen to all parties involved or to each side of the situation.


Thirdly, approach that listening with empathy – put yourself in the other person’s shoes.  Most likely, you will understand why they made the decision they do or acted the way they did.


Practice self control.  Often if your focus is on hearing the other person out and do not speak until they finish – you will find yourself well on your way to self control.


If you have baggage you are carrying around from past issues, circumstances, arguments – take time to deal with those things – process through them.


Asking forgiveness can be a wonderful bridge builder.  It can patch a pot hole in any road to success.


Lastly, if you are allergic to hot peppers, what do you do?


Exactly – don’t eat them.


So if you are struggling with having a bad temper – stay away from hot tempered people.  When a hot tempered person is around another hot tempered person – it only takes a small lit match to start an inferno.


I wish you the best in dealing with your temper.


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Lastly, don’t forget to suggest my web site to friends, family and coworkers.


Ron Orendi


717-802-0483


ron@ronorendi.com