Dumping

Dumping.

Almost all of my life, I have had a fascination with dump trucks.  The Little Mo’s to the big construction dump trucks have seemed to me – like Tonka trucks for adults.

One of the things on my “bucket list” is to drive one of those huge oversized yellow construction dump trucks – just to see what it is like.

Every fall, I look forward to the coal yard delivering our winter supply of pea coal to heat our home for the winter.  I know that the guys will be coming with a scissors dump and run a chute from the truck’s tail gate to the coal bin inside our garage.

Dump trucks – loud – massive – fascinating.

But, what about when someone backs their personal dump truck into your front yard, unloads and pulls away with an empty truck?

Obviously, or maybe not, I am not talking about a physical dump truck with a load weighing several tons.

I am referring to a relative, friend, neighbor, coworker, or even a spouse unloading all their trash into your brain – feeling good they got that load off their plate – then pulling away feeling just ducky because now they can jump to their next lily pad of drama.

Sound familiar?

I am sure it does for most folks.

We all have people in our life who confide in us, rely on us when they are in a mental chaotic state, or facing a dilemma. 

But, where is the dividing line between being a caring concerned friend and being a sewage pit where someone empties their latrine?

Let me share some thoughts about the dumper and the dumpee. 

The Dumper

If you are a dumper, at some point you must ask yourself, “Is it fair that I unload my wagon of problems, issues and drama on ______ ?  Why do I feel it necessary to walk into _______’s mental living room, dump my bag of trash all over the floor, and walk away feeling good about myself.?”

Sadly, many people who are dumpers only seek the relief of unloading their stuff so that they can go out and build another pile of issues, drama, and stuff.  For them it becomes cyclical.

There is a certain amount of power in dumping on others. 

And, that sense of power quickly develops into a sense of “needing” that person because he or she helps me.

The “dumper” is only focused on themselves and not the person who they are dumping on.  It is selfish, unfair and does nothing to strengthen a healthy relationship.

The person receiving all the trash usually does not want it.

Think of it this way…. Imagine every time you fill a waste can or a Hefty bag with soiled diapers, food wrappers, unwanted mail, and leftover food – you take it over to a neighbor’s house and either hand it to them or open the bag and spread it all over their clean living room carpet.

Sound ridiculous?

In reality that’s what you are doing…..just in a mental sort of way.

The Dumpee

Why does _____ keep plopping all their problems on me?  I am NOT their counselor. 

Maybe it is done to you because you never said NO.

Maybe you get dumped on because you ALWAYS have an opinion.  And, since you feel the need to air that opinion – you become a landfill for OPP (other people’s problems).

Maybe you are a CATFISH.  Ya see, catfish feed off the bottom of the aquarium.  And, in this blog, I am using the term catfish because you feed off of the trash.  Plain and simple you either exist for drama or you are a gossip.

We all know who the drama queens are (and yes, men can be drama queens).  Paparazzi, emotion and theatre are what pumps their blood.

And, we all know who the gossip is.  They are energized by the latest nugget of news about someone or something. 

Keep in mind, they love to flap their lips.  And, if they talk about others in front of you – they WILL talk about you in front of others.

If you don’t want dumped on, you have options:
• Walk away
• Don’t hang with these people – stay away from the drama
• Change the subject of conversation to something upbeat and positive
• Politely tell the dumper that you would rather not discuss this topic
• Stop giving your opinion.  Chances are you are not hearing the complete story and can only give advice on limited info anyway.

If you are a dumper, ask yourself,
• “Is what I am sharing constructive and edifying?”
• “Is sharing this info going to change the situation for the better?”
• “ Am I benefitting this person by sharing this info?”

Have a great week

Ron  

To schedule Ron to speak to your business, civic group
or organization, contact him at:ron@ronorendi.com
717-802-0483

Trust

Trust

Trust in the context we will be talking about in this week’s blog is either given or received.  This week, I will share some thoughts on trust from both angles.

Many people struggle with trust issues. I am hoping that this week’s blog with help shed some new light on trust – and hopefully these thoughts and concepts will help those who battle with trust.

Trust received

For some reason we use a different litmus test for trust received than we do for trust given.  Perhaps it is because we know ourselves and feel that others should trust us.  Or, maybe we know our own potentials and feel that others should put their faith in us because of what we CAN be or CAN do.

I am certain that there are people, who will tell you that trust is something that has to be earned.  I could not agree more. 

Trust is something that is built up over time.  It involves interaction, a relationship between 2 or more parties.  And, it involves others looking at your behavior, performance, or attitude in conducting yourself within the frame work of certain arenas.  Trust is built over time.

Additionally, trust is extended.  By this, I am referring to a level of trust within the scope of one’s association.  In other words, if you go in to a restaurant and order a meal – you trust the cook, based on that restaurant’s reputation.  The restaurant is known for serving a good meal – so a patron bases their level of trust in the chef on the reputation of the restaurant.  Therefore, the chef receives trust as an extension of his or her employer.  And, the employer s trust in the chef is based on his or her resume or references.

Trust given

Now here is where so many people have issues.  Often people struggle with trusting others.  Often the reasoning behind their lack of trust or their inability to trust others is based on their paradigm of trust.  Their point of reference is only based on themselves.  They know themselves.  They know their own history.  And, based on that information – they would NEVER trust themselves.  Therefore, since they would not trust themselves, they are not about to trust others.  Their thinking or rationalization for this is that the skeletons in other people’s closets are just as bad as the ones in their own closet.  So, their lack of trust can be summed up in saying they lack confidence in themselves.

Another issue surrounding a lack of trust being able to be given has to do with control. 

These people also struggle with delegating tasks.  Their thinking is that only THEY can do it to the level of their expectations.  Applying that level of thinking prevents them for putting any faith in the ability of others to complete a task, lend a hand or assume responsibility.  Hidden deep inside is also a fear of “what if they do it better than me?”

Another line of thinking that goes with a lack of ability to give trust is based on past incidents in their life.  Maybe they have been burnt so many times when confiding in someone. 

Perhaps they have been violated or abused and had pieces of their life taken from them.  It could also be that they have been hurt in a relationship so badly that they refuse to open the door to allow someone in to that room of their life ever again.

Lastly, a person may have difficulty giving trust because of their lifestyle history. 

They have associated with and lived among people who could not be trusted.  So, their entire life was based on falsehood, fake friendships, emotional and physical users. 

These “friends” hung out with you only for what they could get.  They were simply “takers” in a relationship.  They can be likened to the person who is your friend at the bar only as long as you are buying the drinks.  Once your wallet is empty, they move on to barnacle off of the next person.  They periodically return just to test the water and see if you have the resources to buy another round of drinks,

So how do we overcome our inability to trust?

Well, it’s kind of funny because the people who do not trust, refuse to trust others, or claim they cannot or do not know how to trust – already trust.  They just do not recognize it. 

Let me explain.

A person goes to the bathroom in the morning.  After completing their “mission” they flush the toilet.  Later that evening, they go to their kitchen sink, turn on the spigot and pour a glass of water.

Using my environmental background with a major in chemistry and a minor in biology I can tell you that it takes 14 hours (or less) for your toilet water to get to the waste treatment plant, be treated, sent to the water company and pumped to your kitchen sink.  Technicians, chemists and biologists all read meters, run tests and add chemicals to that water to make sure it is potable (worthy of drinking).  TRUST!

The person who turns on the spigot TRUSTS that these people know their stuff and performed their job correctly. 

They also must TRUST their local politicians to enact laws that set standards for that water.  TRUST.

Example 2 – and this is the one I learned on when I had issues with trust.

I was instructed by a friend to describe how I go about leaving my home and going to the store.

I thought my friend was an idiot for asking this question.  But, my response was to leave the house get in the car, put the key in the ignition, select the right gear and drive to the store.

My friend asked why I did not pop the car’s hood?  Why did I not take apart the engine and reassemble it just to make sure everything worked right? 

I told him THAT was ridiculous.  It would take forever to go somewhere. 

Then my friend asked why I so willingly placed my trust in the people who made my car and the mechanics who serviced it?  He pointed out that most of these people were people I had never met.  Nor, would I ever meet the people who design the car, assemble the car, and road test the car.

He was right.  I put trust in people I did not know.  I trusted only because I went through the motions of my daily life without putting thought into routine things.

Example 3.  You are eating in a restaurant.  The waitress brings your check.  You hand her your bill with your debit card.  She leaves, and after a few minutes, returns with your card and a paper to sign.

How do you know – for that brief time she had your debit card – that she did not copy down the numbers on your card?  Or worse, how do you know she did not drain your bank account?

Trust.

You want to have more trust?

Start with YOU.  Start trusting yourself.  Build your self confidence.  Find a purpose for your life.  Get some dreams and goals.  And, as you cross each mile marker of success in your life journey – pause look back at what you have done.  See how much you have grown.  Then turn back around and look toward your goal.

Realize that you are NOT an island.  Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto and Silver.  You cannot accomplish things without the help of others.

Ask yourself “what if others trusted me with the same level or degree I trust them?” 

My guess – that would be pretty hurtful.

As my friend (pastor, author and motivational speaker) Mark Gorman would say – CHANGE!  You have 5 minutes.  Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Have a great week

Ron  

To schedule Ron to speak to your business, civic group
or organization, contact him at:ron@ronorendi.com
717-802-0483

March Madness

Soon college basketball fans will be glued to their televisions watching the game and the score box at the top of the screen.  They will be referencing their brackets to monitor how well they are doing at picking the Sweet 16, Elite 8, Final Four and the national champion.

What if all that buzz being generated across the country was about you or your product?  What if your product, sales line or invention were the talk at the break room, the family dinner table, the sports bar or television news media?

Are you prepared to handle success?

Are you prepared to handle the attention from the media?

Are you going to be able to financially handle the change that is comes with the territory?

Let’s take a look at these questions one by one and how March Madness applies to our daily lives.

1…. What if all that buzz being generated across the country was about you or your product? 

In basketball, a player or team needs to prepare:  in the classroom; on the basketball court; and in the weight room.  You cannot make it to the big dance without doing the behind the scenes foot work.

In order for others to be talking about you, your product or your sales line – they have to know about it.  In this day and age – with the Internet, YouTube, Facebook, Twiiter and other social media - the playing field is more level than it has ever been.  Bob & John’s Tennis Shoe company has just as good of a chance of getting their message out as Adidas or Nike. 

If you doubt that, simply take a look at how many hits a viral video can get showing a previously little known cause.

You want to get known?  You want to have your product talked about?  Take some FREE classes on Social Media or Internet Marketing offered by knowledgeable people.  These webinars, courses, and interviews share invaluable information on how to get your message out there.

2… Are you prepared to handle success?

Having been around successful people for the last 25 years of my life, I can tell you that there is a certain mindset that comes with success.  There is a way these people respond to what has come their way. 

Spend some time getting to know some people who are where you want to be in life.  Pick their brains for knowledge.  Ask questions.  Treasure that time they are with you.  Author, Leadership guru John Maxwell suggests to always enter the meeting with your mentor prepared.  Have a tablet and pen ready to take notes.  Have a set of questions ready to ask.  Be willing to listen more than you speak.  Be open and honest – sharing all the pertinent details.  Write down the homework assignment – and follow through with doing it.  Then, at your next meeting, be prepared to discuss your results.  Finally, be open-minded and willing to learn.

This is what a lot of locker room / team training room discussions cover.  Game films are viewed over and over and over and over again.  Plays are chalked out on the board and discussed.  Defensive strategies are shared with the players.  

3… Are you prepared to handle the attention from the media?

Part of the training a team and the coaches go through is how to deal with the media.  Be humble.  Always give credit to the opposing team, coaches and players.  Conduct yourself with class.

Giving credit to your competition shows you have respect.  Emphasize the good in your competition.  Highlight what they do well.  Doing so shows a lot about you.

4… Are you going to be able to financially handle the change that is comes with the territory?

In life and in business, there is no difference than in basketball.  You need to have success coaches, financial mentors and skilled people to help you handle this new stage of your growth.  Talk to successful people.  Ask them who they suggest.  AND, be sure to spend time reading and developing yourself.  Read about successful people.  Learn from their successes and failures.

Successful people use their money to play offense rather than defense.  That requires a new skill set of knowledge.

The late Dr. Ed Cole said, “You talent can take your where your character cannot sustain you.”

How many times have you seen an athlete perform phenomenally on the court or on the field – but gets in trouble with the law outside the stadium?

Hollywood and the music industry are no different.  And, guess what – neither is the game of life.  Learn from high character people.  It’s a hard climb to the top – but the slide down goes quickly when greased with your own incompetence and ignorance.

Best wishes with your bracket over the next few weeks.

And, even better wishes with your personal growth as you work your way to the Sweet 16, the Elite 8, the Final Four, and the Championship in your life.

If anyone is interested in bringing me on board as their mentor, life coach, or personal development coach – give me a call.

Ron Orendi
717-802-0483
ron@ronorendi.com

Impact

Impact

Do you have impact?  If you are not sure, allow me to explain.

Impact, is when you walk in to a room and command attention.  Heads turn and the complexion of the room changes. 

People with Impact do not necessarily have charisma, but they do have that special level of self confidence.  They command attention simply by their presence.

They do not necessarily have to have notoriety.  But they do have a certain swagger.

So where do you get swagger?  It’s not something you can pick up at Wal-Mart (Heavens no).  You can’t order it on line.

Swagger comes from a certain amount of confidence.  Now, I am NOT talking of a braggart here.  Nor am I talking about a phony in your face type of attitude.  And, I am certainly not talking about a person who is filled with ego. 

I am talking about the person who has a “natural” command of attention wherever they go. 

Impact / swagger comes from belief in yourself.  It’s pure 100% self confidence. 

So where does self confidence come from?

Well, I believe self confidence comes from activity, motion, experiencing, and doing something……..knowing that you have given your all.

If you want to see it live – in action – watch Dancing With The Stars or American Idol and soon you will notice there are certain contestants who have impact.

I also believe that impact / swagger is (to a certain degree) earned respect.  That respect comes from colleagues, peers, persons in authority above you and persons below you.

CAUTION – swagger / impact also carries a certain amount of humility.

It also requires a person be very real.  A phony cannot have impact.  If they do attempt to have it, those around them can sniff it out like a limburger cheese.

You want to have swagger / impact?  Get rid of all self doubt.  Eradicate your mind of negativity.  Lose the victim mentality.  Drop the “I don’t deserve it” thinking.  Toss out the sarcasm.  Your mind cannot tell the difference between sarcasm and truth. 

Go ahead – do it now.  I’ll wait.

<pause>

<pause>

<pause>

<pause>

I’m waiting.

<pause>

<pause>

<pause>

C’mon

<pause>

<pause>

<pause>

I know it’s hard.  But if it was easy, everyone else would do it.

For some of us, that may mean getting rid of a mighty big stone.  For others it may mean reframing your thinking. 

Confidence and negativity cannot coexist in your mind or your life. 

Daily, work on developing your swagger / impact.  You may even have to work on it hourly.  BUT, it’s well worth it – once you cross over that bridge to self confidence.

Let me offer a final word of caution to my readers.  That bridge is a two way bridge. 
It’s easy to slip back into an old pattern of behavior, thinking or lifestyle.

Bottom line, here – work on YOU every day.

Have a great week.

Ron