Trust

Trust

Trust in the context we will be talking about in this week’s blog is either given or received.  This week, I will share some thoughts on trust from both angles.

Many people struggle with trust issues. I am hoping that this week’s blog with help shed some new light on trust – and hopefully these thoughts and concepts will help those who battle with trust.

Trust received

For some reason we use a different litmus test for trust received than we do for trust given.  Perhaps it is because we know ourselves and feel that others should trust us.  Or, maybe we know our own potentials and feel that others should put their faith in us because of what we CAN be or CAN do.

I am certain that there are people, who will tell you that trust is something that has to be earned.  I could not agree more. 

Trust is something that is built up over time.  It involves interaction, a relationship between 2 or more parties.  And, it involves others looking at your behavior, performance, or attitude in conducting yourself within the frame work of certain arenas.  Trust is built over time.

Additionally, trust is extended.  By this, I am referring to a level of trust within the scope of one’s association.  In other words, if you go in to a restaurant and order a meal – you trust the cook, based on that restaurant’s reputation.  The restaurant is known for serving a good meal – so a patron bases their level of trust in the chef on the reputation of the restaurant.  Therefore, the chef receives trust as an extension of his or her employer.  And, the employer s trust in the chef is based on his or her resume or references.

Trust given

Now here is where so many people have issues.  Often people struggle with trusting others.  Often the reasoning behind their lack of trust or their inability to trust others is based on their paradigm of trust.  Their point of reference is only based on themselves.  They know themselves.  They know their own history.  And, based on that information – they would NEVER trust themselves.  Therefore, since they would not trust themselves, they are not about to trust others.  Their thinking or rationalization for this is that the skeletons in other people’s closets are just as bad as the ones in their own closet.  So, their lack of trust can be summed up in saying they lack confidence in themselves.

Another issue surrounding a lack of trust being able to be given has to do with control. 

These people also struggle with delegating tasks.  Their thinking is that only THEY can do it to the level of their expectations.  Applying that level of thinking prevents them for putting any faith in the ability of others to complete a task, lend a hand or assume responsibility.  Hidden deep inside is also a fear of “what if they do it better than me?”

Another line of thinking that goes with a lack of ability to give trust is based on past incidents in their life.  Maybe they have been burnt so many times when confiding in someone. 

Perhaps they have been violated or abused and had pieces of their life taken from them.  It could also be that they have been hurt in a relationship so badly that they refuse to open the door to allow someone in to that room of their life ever again.

Lastly, a person may have difficulty giving trust because of their lifestyle history. 

They have associated with and lived among people who could not be trusted.  So, their entire life was based on falsehood, fake friendships, emotional and physical users. 

These “friends” hung out with you only for what they could get.  They were simply “takers” in a relationship.  They can be likened to the person who is your friend at the bar only as long as you are buying the drinks.  Once your wallet is empty, they move on to barnacle off of the next person.  They periodically return just to test the water and see if you have the resources to buy another round of drinks,

So how do we overcome our inability to trust?

Well, it’s kind of funny because the people who do not trust, refuse to trust others, or claim they cannot or do not know how to trust – already trust.  They just do not recognize it. 

Let me explain.

A person goes to the bathroom in the morning.  After completing their “mission” they flush the toilet.  Later that evening, they go to their kitchen sink, turn on the spigot and pour a glass of water.

Using my environmental background with a major in chemistry and a minor in biology I can tell you that it takes 14 hours (or less) for your toilet water to get to the waste treatment plant, be treated, sent to the water company and pumped to your kitchen sink.  Technicians, chemists and biologists all read meters, run tests and add chemicals to that water to make sure it is potable (worthy of drinking).  TRUST!

The person who turns on the spigot TRUSTS that these people know their stuff and performed their job correctly. 

They also must TRUST their local politicians to enact laws that set standards for that water.  TRUST.

Example 2 – and this is the one I learned on when I had issues with trust.

I was instructed by a friend to describe how I go about leaving my home and going to the store.

I thought my friend was an idiot for asking this question.  But, my response was to leave the house get in the car, put the key in the ignition, select the right gear and drive to the store.

My friend asked why I did not pop the car’s hood?  Why did I not take apart the engine and reassemble it just to make sure everything worked right? 

I told him THAT was ridiculous.  It would take forever to go somewhere. 

Then my friend asked why I so willingly placed my trust in the people who made my car and the mechanics who serviced it?  He pointed out that most of these people were people I had never met.  Nor, would I ever meet the people who design the car, assemble the car, and road test the car.

He was right.  I put trust in people I did not know.  I trusted only because I went through the motions of my daily life without putting thought into routine things.

Example 3.  You are eating in a restaurant.  The waitress brings your check.  You hand her your bill with your debit card.  She leaves, and after a few minutes, returns with your card and a paper to sign.

How do you know – for that brief time she had your debit card – that she did not copy down the numbers on your card?  Or worse, how do you know she did not drain your bank account?

Trust.

You want to have more trust?

Start with YOU.  Start trusting yourself.  Build your self confidence.  Find a purpose for your life.  Get some dreams and goals.  And, as you cross each mile marker of success in your life journey – pause look back at what you have done.  See how much you have grown.  Then turn back around and look toward your goal.

Realize that you are NOT an island.  Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto and Silver.  You cannot accomplish things without the help of others.

Ask yourself “what if others trusted me with the same level or degree I trust them?” 

My guess – that would be pretty hurtful.

As my friend (pastor, author and motivational speaker) Mark Gorman would say – CHANGE!  You have 5 minutes.  Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Have a great week

Ron  

To schedule Ron to speak to your business, civic group
or organization, contact him at:ron@ronorendi.com
717-802-0483